Fake it till you make it

Ever since I could manoeuvre my arm around to reach my back area I’ve been fake tanning my body. I don’t know what it is about looking mildy Geordie that appeals to so many people but I GODDAMN LOVE IT.

I first begun using my old babe, Dove Gradual Tanning Lotion- a must have for newbies as the colour isn’t too strong and it’s super easy to apply! (READ: wash your hands thoroughly after application)

I have since tried multiple brands, Le Tan, Loving Tan, Bondi Sands, Sugar Baby, B Gorgeous, Eco Tan and a few dodgy ones here & there. I don’t claim to be a tanning ‘expert’ if there is such a thing, and I am frequently TOO lazy to scrub it off properly, but finally have a tanning routine I’m superbly happy with and will be sticking with.

First things first, I begin a day or two before I tan by PREPPING. This is the most exhausting step, and something that puts 80% of people off. However in order to get the most out of your fake bake you’ll need well prepped skin for the week ahead.

Bondi Sands have THANKFULLY made this so much easier with the recent introduction of their Tan Remover. I was a skeptic at first, however like the ultimate consumer I am, I stocked up on a few bottles at launch time and am SO glad I did. The remover itself has a average-pleasant smell, nothing short of Bondi Sands standards, and pumps out in a white foam like the regular mousse.

I apply this with my hands all over my dry scaly skin approximately a week after my initial tan, when you’re starting to look bitzy and rank. You then need to let it sink into the skin for about 5 minutes (although I get stuck in the life of Zoella and end up naked on my bathroom floor for 20 usually….) before jumping in a warm shower to remove it.

The directions instruct you to simply wipe the product (which sinks into your skin) with a washcloth in order to remove your tan, but I’m lazy as hell and an exfoliating mitt is miles easier and quicker. Nonetheless, the tan comes off almost instantly.

After my shower, I dry my body *mildly vigourously* with a towel to remove any skin still hanging on for dear life. If I’m tanning that day, I skip the moisturiser, otherwise I’ll lather up and make myself all supple and plump 😀

Depending on the week ahead I’ll either self-tan using Bondi Sands Liquid Gold, or head to The Tan Bar in Ferrymead for a coat of B.Tan in Licorice.

I love the Liquid Gold because it’s a natural colour, develops gradually over the day with little to no stickiness and doesn’t require washing off/developing time. It is a wee bit tricky to work with at the beginning because it’s almost clear, so you have no guide to where you have already applied. I use the Le Tan mitt and spritz the product directly onto the skin, then rub in.

This routine is best suited to when I’m just at work all week, or when I’ve got a natural tan that I just want to enhance.

If I’m lazy (which is frequently), I’ll get a spray tan to take the hassle and stress out of the process. I’m currently going to The Tan Bar (side bae to The Pamper Bar) very pasty and coming out a beautiful shade of brown. They have a huge range of tans to choose from, and are located in the cutest wee studio in Ferrymead. I love their tan because it goes DARK and lasts a good amount of time, plus I don’t get an awkward back mark from reaching around to get in between my shoulder blades!!

If I have to sleep in the tan overnight, which I usually will, the main hassle is that it absolutely DESTROYS my sheets. My mother had thrown her toys out of the cot with bleaching my sheets all the time and gifted me my new best friend. Meet: Tanzee.

Tanzee is a bed sheet protector designed specifically for tanners. Made from a microfibre silk with an attached pillow case, I don’t over heat in summer, and in winter just slip into it underneath my regular duvet.

I then leave whichever form of tan on until it has finished making me bronze, then get in the shower to wash the guide colour off!

In order to maintain my tan, it’s super important to keep moisturised, particularly in the niggly bits.

My wrists, ankles, knees and part of my chest where my bra straps rub get particularly patchy, so I saturate them in my Mnoga Oils from The Perfumers (use MNOGA5KAS for $$ off and free shipping!)

And my all time favourite post-tan body moisturiser is the Cocoa Glow by Vaseline!

Happy tanning (and all the scrubbing patience to you!!)


*I am lucky enough to be an ambassador for the Tan Bar, as always only ever talking about things I love and recommend.

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