Firstly, at risk of sounding like a twenty year old who has had enough exes that she can write a BLOG POST about it- I haven’t.
In the politically correct sense, I’ve only had one (and he’s probably shitting himself if he’s reading this lol).
No, to me, exes are a huge category: ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, ex-colleagues, ex-loves, ex-hates.
Google categorises and describes an ex as “someone with whom a person was once associated, in a relationship, marriage, or once talked to.”
I would rather “Anything or anyone that has existed in your life and made a huge impact, and is no longer present.”
Which ultimately makes my list of exes a rather long one…
At some point in your life, you will give your everything to someone, or something.
It will consume your thoughts, first of all. Then it’s likely to consume a huge part of your time, followed by your life. You seem to think that everything is forever until it’s not.
Life sucks in some ways, tearing us away from things that were meant to last for eternity. But as a cliche would tell you, everything happens for a reason, and the reason is what will make you better in the long run.
I’ve been through heartbreak, of many kinds. I’ve felt that lack of air as I’m gasping through tears (you know, that horrifically ugly crying), I’ve had to pull over on my way home to sit in silence and think about what’s just gone wrong, I’ve sent sad goodbye messages too. I’ve peacefully drifted from friends, realising that being strangers is what we are best at, but I’ve also gone through the kind of friendship break-up that deserves a novel. I’ve had best friends tell me everything I’ve ever done wrong, and I’ve done wrong to some of the best people in my life.
And that’s just what happens.
This year, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about ‘exes’. What they’ve done to hurt me, how they have upset me, but most importantly- who they have made me.
I think it’s very important that no matter how toxic a relationship, a friendship, or even a habit- that you find the good in it.
Boyfriend constantly told you how worthless you were? A) good thing he’s an EX, and b) now you know how much you’re worth without him.
Similar story goes for friends.. best friend constantly wanted to be better than you? Good thing you’ve got the fire inside you to work even harder now.
It’s hard.. I know. I’m lucky enough to never have had a REALLY nasty break up, and have never had someone break me to pieces. But I’ve held friends hands, and continue to, as I watch just how much humans can break other humans.
But what I’ve learnt in this cut throat world, is that no-one will be there for you except you. It’s selfish, harsh and somewhat untrue, but sometimes even your bests are your worsts. So it’s time for me (& you!) to reflect on what these people have left you with. Courage, hope, truth and resilience. They’ve given you the ability to build yourself back up when you’ve spent months dragging along the floor, and they’ve made you just that little bit more… you. You’ll feel like you’re missing a piece, until one day the word crosses your mind and you won’t bat an eye. You’ll run into them and nothing will sting inside you, nothing will flashback. One morning you’ll wake up and you won’t be thinking of them- and it’ll be bliss.
And this is the time you make yourself. You take everything that’s ever broken you, and you turn it into a glass half full. You fill the glass so full that even when the next comes along, you’re still a damn full glass on your own. Become more, do more and see more. Meet new people, try new things and make sure that you’re a little selfish every now and then. Take terrifying leaps and try things alone that you never would of before. Do things that would have usually required ‘another half”, open doors that have always been closed. SCARE YOURSELF, then SURPRISE YOURSELF. Do things you never imagined of yourself, that people would have never expected of you. Be totally vulnerable but incredibly in control all at once. And have some goddamn fun.
Your partner should support you, love you and compliment your life perfectly. Your best friend should back you, laugh with you and live life with you. Your job should fulfil you, teach you and grow you. Your hobbies should entertain you, amuse you and keep you thinking. None of the above should hurt you, make you feel like less of a person or treat you like shit.
But if and when they do- pick yourself up off the floor, grow with the shit and learn from it. Because in the end, we can endure much more than we think we can.