Life is unfair.
I know it, I’ve witnessed it- and I know you would have at some stage in your life too. Some people get dished out their fair share of crap earlier in life (which ultimately helps prepare them for the rest) and some are fortunate enough to have a little longer in paradise.
Some of life’s troubles are out of your control. Things that happen to you, people you love, things you wanted to do. They’re totally beyond you and your reach and you’ve just got to turn each one of those into the most positive of situations possible. Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.
Some of it however, is in control. Not necessarily ours- maybe others, but it’s somehow controllable.
A lot of the time this comes from other people- situations we find ourselves in where we can be hurt, let down, upset or angry at or with others.
Whether it be an argument with a friend, a disagreement with a colleague, a tiff with your boy or someone you’ve never met making a nasty remark. It happens. But again, it’s all about how you react, and when you stop.
The 4 times you should stop engaging (and be the bigger person):
— when you need to bring up ‘old stuff’ or unrelated events to prove a point.
If the said ‘person’ your disagreeing with is just SO far from logic that you literally have to bring up something he or she said 6 years ago to be right… you gotta stop, babe. People like this are just NOT worth it. They’re blind to their actions and they’re desperately fighting internally- just so they win. They’re never going to add any value to you (or your life) and they see themselves as bigger than anything. The past is the past and that’s where it stays- if you’ve gotta bring that shit up, leave. All that could possibly come of a situation like this is that you slip in your judgement and all of a sudden- you’re in the wrong. Save yourself the stress, express that you while you appreciate them, you disagree with their point of view and then slide the f*** on out of there.
— when it’s no longer about the point, but about someone’s feelings.
I get it, they may have hurt you (intentionally or not) but there’s no reason for you to stoop to a level that intentionally hurts or offends someone. It’s the hardest balancing act, especially if you’re feeling hurt yourself- but it’s one that once you’ve nailed, you’ll feel great about. Being able to walk away from someone knowing that you’re right but you didn’t need to be nasty to prove it is such a good feeling. Once again, try the ‘I understand where you’re coming from but I disagree’ line, it closes off opportunity for nasties, and sets the bar straight. You didn’t like what they did but they did it and you’re out. Seee yaaaa!
— when your name is at stake.
In the ‘public’ eye, which pretty much EVERYONE is in now (welcome to 2018) it’s much better to suck up and shut up sometimes. When the story could be turned on its head and aimed back at you, its best to swallow your pride and take the high road. Remember, its your word against theirs…
— when it REALLY doesn’t matter.
There’s a huge difference between fighting over who ate the last chocolate chip biscuit and sulking over your BFFL betraying you. Weigh up the pro’s and con’s, decide if you still want this person in your life and then make your move. 90% of the time, if you give the problem a bit of space and talk it out, all is well. The other 10% of the time, the person is unlikely to be someone you can see in your life in 10 years anyway. Make a conscious decision whether its worth wasting oxygen over and stop engaging.
Remember, through all things, your response to a situation is what speaks volumes. It’s also the ONLY thing you can control. You have all the power in the world when it comes to deciding what is worth your time and energy, but ensure you do as little damage as possible in the process. People that hurt or betray you once and likely to do so again, so make sure you’ve got ones worth keeping round.
*This blog post was inspired by one of my all time favourite bloggers, you can read her take here.